I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
