he puts the penis in happiness.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
