I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
