Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
