You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
