She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
