just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
