Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
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