He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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