Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
