I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
