She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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