not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
my poor anus
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
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