The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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