I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
