At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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