Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
