I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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