I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
pray to the hookup gods
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
