remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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