what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
