i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
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