Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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