Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
