Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
