I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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