Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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