There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
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