Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
