Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
