Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
