he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
