You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
