i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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