Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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