Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
