i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
