if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
