It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
