don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
