she is the kim kardashian of front butts
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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