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• (443): View more from Maryland

  Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.

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• (262): View more from Wisconsin

  LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."

  (817): View more from Texas

  I was drunk but it's true

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• (865): View more from Tennessee

  Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.

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• (904): View more from Florida

  we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways

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• (407): View more from Florida

  I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.

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• (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.

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• (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.

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• (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think

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• (678): View more from Georgia

  Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.

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• (606): View more from Kentucky

  Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.

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• (212): View more from New York

  VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY

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• (970): View more from Colorado

  We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over

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• (702): View more from Nevada

  It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo

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• (425): View more from Washington

  Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND

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• (205): View more from Alabama

  you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.

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