It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
