it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
