Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
