Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
