1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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