Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
