no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
