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I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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